The truth is that I hate crying and especially hate crying in front of other people, including my own family. The truth is that I avoid emotional situations – which means sometimes I avoid honest conversations with myself and others. The truth is that even when I am honest, I hold people at a distance by adding a positive spin on things and saying things like, “I’m know this next surgery of Nora’s is going to be really hard but I know so many people that have it so much worse and I’m thankful for our support system…” blah, blah, blah.

The truth is that every fiber of my being wants to retreat into a self numbing fog and that most days I do exactly that. But not today. Today I need you to see me.

Because today I need you to know that my heart is broken. That I lie in bed at night when everyone else is asleep and cry. I cry for my daughter. I cry for her pain, both physical and emotional. I cry because at 4 and half years old she says things like, “I wish my nose wasn’t flat”. I cry because while I know her cleft isn’t my fault, I can’t help but feel that it is.

I cry because this world is broken and I crave heaven. Not because I want to die but because I crave a world where she doesn’t know about bullies and stares and insensitive comments about her appearance.

I cry because my heart is broken.

The truth is that on those nights when I can’t sleep, I go into Nora’s room, kneel beside her bed and silently plead with God. I pray that he will protect her, that he will make her secure in who and whose she is. I pray that he will show her unimaginable love that she cannot doubt his presence. I beg that he will give me the wisdom to be the Mom that she needs me to be every single day. I pray that I won’t fail her.

Today I need you to see our family and to really see Nora. To understand that while her cleft is not life or death. While it’s not forever and yes there is a “cure”. I need you see that the pain is real and raw and affects us more days than we let on.

I need you see all of that because I need you to pray for our family. Nora’s next surgery is scheduled for October 18. They will be doing a tip rhinoplasty which will help lift her nose (slightly) and help open her nostrils so that she can breath and clear her nose more easily. Please pray for wisdom and skill for our doctors and nurses. Pray for healing and most of all pray that God will comfort our precious Nora.

We love you all and thank you for praying. ❤️

Author: Jamie Yanisch

I am Mom to two little girls named Stella and Nora. I am a believer in Jesus Christ, and I strive to have a deeper relationship with Him. I was born and raised in the Twin Cities and I live within 15 minutes of most of my family and friends. My faith, family and friends are truly the most important thing to me. My motherhood story is a little different because both of our daughters were born with a different congenital birth defect. This is my journey to becoming a joyful mama.

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